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Thursday, September 22nd, 2005
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2:11 am
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As retaliation, here are Kathy's results:
1. atari teenage riot:
Alec will have your children.
2. cadillacs:
Minus the Hydraulics...
3. comfort:
Again, is a beautiful thing
4. digital hardcore:
Is a name for a fish.
5. feindflug:
One of those silly German words that I can never remember...
6. honesty:
Good Stuff
7. knowledge:
Das leiben ist shuen? You're right, I can't spell.
8. metamatic:
No comment.
9. nrg:
What the fuck is nrg?!!
Never Rocking Guns
Non - Rallying Girls
No Rocks Gone...
10. ray bradbury:
Yes, Kathrin likes him. Alot.
I believe there was more, and it got deleted. Due to the fact that I'm WAY too lazy to re-take the survey for someone else, I'm going to end this here.
Happy Wendsday!
C
current mood:  dirty
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| Sunday, August 14th, 2005
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10:56 pm
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| Wednesday, August 3rd, 2005
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2:32 am - can of worms
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Tonight we find out that a former role model is nothing but a sleazy, dirty asshole.
Tonight we found out what he did.
Tonight the truth comes through; the sad, wrong, disturbing truth.
While we sit here in disgust, feeling the pain of the one who was stabbed, we can only feel the strange relief flowing through our bodies that it didn't happen to us.
It seems like some lucid dream; our minds sickened by the fact that reality allows this kind of behavior, for innocence to be broken by one dirty thought, by one sick individual...the so-called-role model.
The fact that such a sadistic person can hide under the mask of someone so looked up to and so powerful, yet abuse said power so guiltlessly, terrifies me to death.
It's a demon in angel's clothing, with no fiery background to hint at the true evil that lies underneath white wings.
I suppose I should be glad I lost respect for this person when I did; It's just unfortunate that the wisdom couldn't have been achieved without the destruction of such an innocuous being. SUCH an utter fucking pity that people must crumble for others pure, sick, and twisted enjoyment.
I hope you're happy...
There's a song you can write about.
* If you look up "innocent" in the thesaurus, another word for it is "guiltless". Funny how the guiltless seem to often destroy the innocent.
current mood: something
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| Saturday, July 30th, 2005
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3:26 am
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Shit's kinda crazy right now. Really...fucking...crazy.
Other than that...my dog has been found! Sorry for the over-dramatic-stolen-stuff, but that was all I got from the parental units. Apparently, they left him in the backyard with no collars on (ID or invisible fence), he got spooked, ran away, and someone returned him a few days later. I lectured them on the habits of good animal parenting, and anyone who knows my parents should feel free to do so as well. They did something stupid, and they should learn from it.
ANYWAY...
I still have my dog, and I am once again a somewhat happy camper.
Good vibes, and all that shit...
Cheers!
C
current mood:  exanimate
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| Thursday, July 28th, 2005
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2:48 pm
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My dog was stolen out of my parent's backyard yesterday.
I hate people.
I miss my dog.
current mood: crushed
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| Friday, July 22nd, 2005
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5:22 am
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I'm back from the dead!
sorry guys, about everything. Refer to Kath's entry about loosing touch and such.
[insert, because I should]
Alex's party was awesome. Ari, Kathy, Cesar, Kweesa, Shwonka, Eric, and co. were amazing. It was the first step of a twelve step program to get me back to normal, non-retarded-mode. And the meat was really good, too. xo.
ANYWAY....
Who wants to come on a mission with me?
I'm back for good this time, I promise.
I need to retrieve a couch and a small animal, which means I need transportation of sorts (other than public). I can drive, and am willing to do so, but I need a vehicle (and preferably company).
I will buy you food or booze, whatever the drug of choice is.
As an added bonus, I will give you a weekend getaway on the upper west side, and Kathy can vouch for how cool that is.
All expenses included (assuming you aren't an alcoholic or an addict of other sorts).
Either way...bring the hang out!!!!!
I'm done.
C
current mood: grahhhhhhh
current music: DMX
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| Friday, February 4th, 2005
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9:13 am - Waiting for the night
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I'm a masochistic piece if shit.
I'll get over the bullshit eventually, and I like to pretend that I have. I'm this close...i'm getting there.I know it. Just when you begin to know it, there are those moments (every now and then) when you look back and want to fucking slaughter yourself.
I'm talking gross, bloody, lamb-slaughter yourself. The shit you don't want to think about.
Yeah, even when something's over, you go back to it.
often times, I wish I was a pitbull motherfucker. That would be nice. I could rip shit up, let go of everything, and die in battle. That's not me. I'm passive, and I live with shit; I don't harbor restenful feelings towards anyone but myself.
My soul exposed to the goddamn livejournal community...
congradulations!
I don't give a shit.
C
P.S
I'm not really that bad, I just wanted to record my moment of temporary insanity.
Life's been treating me OK, aside from the shit I just said above, and I've been lucky as hell, overall. It's always good to remember the downfalls; Freud once said that you can't have complete utopia without experiencing utter hell. Word for the wise.
I'm going to stop, again, I promise.
yeah.
current mood: fucked?
current music: Rexall
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| Wednesday, January 26th, 2005
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4:19 am
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Once again, I come across amazing story ideas for workshop at stupid hours of the night. This one is courtesy of Christine, partially:
Michah, working with Jules, under the table weapons dealer.
Of course, makes for an interesting story (or not, depending on what your perspective is).
She's working in a shithole bar, but it's worth her while for keeping her mouth shut.
Old acquaintances come back. Once upstanding citizens, but mentally screwed for unfortunate events they had nothing to do with. They got involved, further dragged into situations no one wants to have anything to do with, and disappear.
Said person(s) come back to the bar, meet Micah, see Jules.
Shit goes down
End segment, for the time being.
I have until Thursday to write this. Looking forward to it, but much to much assed out to accomplish said goal right now.
Ideas welcome!
C
current mood:  crazy
current music: Faith No More
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| Friday, January 21st, 2005
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5:15 am
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| Wednesday, January 19th, 2005
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3:42 am - used for glue
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I finally bought another fucking needle so I could use my tables again. I came back and spent four stressful hours hooking it up to the stylus because I did not have the proper equipment. They were semi-ok for ten minutes.
Then the other needle broke. Because it had been off kilter, due to over-wear and poor setup by a friend a few years ago... I'm about to fucking kill something. I want my tables back!(@#*&($#*!!!!!! BOTH OF THEM!
So much effort and to little avail. I can play my vinyl again, but I can't do much with it. I never had a knack for scratching, so I'm pretty useless right now.
I want to cry.
Other than that, shit's been OK, but I can't shake the disappointment of this dilemma.
C
current mood: GRRRR
current music: Rival Schools
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| Tuesday, January 4th, 2005
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4:53 am
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| Friday, December 17th, 2004
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5:30 pm - destruction!
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I'm a drunk mother fucker......
I'm a smacked out lover...
Oh Motley Crue, how I do love you.
Sometimes, buttrock just sums up life so well.
Last night was entertaining. The void in my life still has not filled itself, and will never really be "fixed", but I'm getting better at tuning out my real emotions and functioning on a day-to-day basis.
I was informed a whole two days ago that I was in charge of constructing a joint birthday party of espionage and beligerence. Last minute shit is somewhat nerveracking, so I recruited Josh to drive me to the liqour store (where we proceeded to spend 20938430 dollars on booze) and the grocery store, for supplies. Apparently, a lot of people aren't into noisy things. We had thirty something people, off and on, by 11 pm, when we got noise complaints and had to migrate. After minor damage control, the posse moved over to Christine's house, where we re-set up the bar and acquired twenty-something more people. Too much excess, not enough sanity. It was fun, but draining. VERY draining. I have opened the floodgates, and am starting to remember why I so loved sitting at home and doing nothing.
The annual xmas party is tonight, which means I should go. I told Chris I would, but I'm lazy, and have to work tommorow. I'll probably end up stopping by for a bit, and then try to go down to the new night at KF. I'm completely unmotivated to move, but I have obligations that I can not ignore.
Drunken obligations. Heh. I'm fun.
Need to call zee Kaff again when I get back into the city, and co-ordiminate with her. She is my partner in crime for life.
I'm rambling.
On the up and up, the semester is over. No more classes until 05, which is a very, very good thing.
Cheers!
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| Thursday, December 9th, 2004
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2:10 pm - Shine
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| Friday, December 3rd, 2004
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3:33 am
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Today was surprisingly entertaining. After running around more than I really needed to, I came home and crashed. [Crashed] meaning I sat on the couch and smoked a cigarette, that was interrupted by Nikki knocking on the door, which meant I had to get up to answer it. She hung out for a hot second, and then Emily called. I figured I should get out while I could, and agreed to take a trip with her up to her restaurant, where we had a few drinks and met the weird dudes that she works with. There will be no dancing on the bar. We stopped by her house shortly afterward to pick up the Kettle One and the puppy (Mojo, who is now one of my favorite things in the world). After much deliberation, we drove back to my house that was, inevitably, filled with people. We ran amuck, created havoc, and drank copious amounts, all while accompanied by the rhodesian reineback. Looking back, I didn't really accomplish all that much, but I began to fix myself. I applied for something i've been interested in for quite some time. The Distillers are also helping.
In my book, that's all good stuff, and it's a step forward without really moving anywhere.
Now all that's left in front of me is to pull forty-something pages of psych research out of my ass, which doesn't seem all that bad at the moment.
At the moment.
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| Wednesday, December 1st, 2004
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3:44 am - so much for my happy ending.
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So,
Shit really sucks. I feel like I've been in some sort of sick sociology lesson. I think it's even sicker that I'm looking at things in that sense. I've been talking to many people, with many different experiences; and instead of accumulating all of these things into one general theory that could possibly apply to my situation, and help me, I've been analyzing people, and looking at how people react as individuals. I've been playing pseudo-therapist, indirectly, (to distract myself), and learning about how people work. Because that's what I need to know, and that's what everyone needs to know. Hopefully, I'll come out of this with some obscenely amazing theory about people that I can sell [for my soul] later on in life, and make lots of money out of. That would be nice. Yeah, sure.
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| Thursday, November 18th, 2004
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2:39 am
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Tonight all starts out a few days ago:
I had the brilliant idea to varnish all the wood in my room. I assed out, and ended up simply doing the three closet doors (that cover half of the front side of my room). It is a lot. The varnish allegedly takes four to six hours to dry, but it's been two days and is still kind of sticky. With the sticky comes the toxic smell. I've been unable to enter my room for more than ten minutes without getting fucking high, which is retarded. It does not make me happy.
Point being...
Earlier tonight, I was exhausted. I decided to go to bed at 11 something, which is a rarity. There were still people at my house, going nuts, and I went to bed. Half an hour into it, my throat started getting all fucked up and fume-infested, so I went back out to the living room. I figured a few drinks, to make me sleepier, would rid my head of the thought of toxins, and let me sleep. Sleep did not happen. We made up a new game out of ziggity, and, needless to say, it's late.
I need to stop playing martha stewart with the home improvement shit, and accept things as they are (unless I have a well ventilated space). Yes. Goodnight.
current music: Vast
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| Saturday, November 13th, 2004
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5:50 am
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Weird fucking occurence; not really relating to anything relevant, but to past things, which makes me wonder about current things and everything else in the world.
I need to cut down on the psych.
It's cold.
First snow of the year, which I missed by intoxication. I'm not sure if this was a good thing or a bad thing. This time, right now, is a bad thing.
I don't do well with change, and though I have not changed much, my surroundings and people I love have changed. In sleepy thought last night, when I woke up at 4 am, I realized that many people have moved in the past two months. Matt moved, Kath moved, Tash moved, the bar closed, my parents are moving, and Marissa is moving. That's alot of fucking moving, which I don't do well with. I've been stable, location wise, and everyone else (for the most part) has been stable, and it's quite a bit to take in all at once, when one comes down to it.
I applied for a job today. I should probably do more of that.
Again, it's cold. How fitting.
current music: Last one alive
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| Friday, November 5th, 2004
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3:56 am - My eye flies
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I need to stop procrastinating. In general, and specifically. I put off stupid shit like work, getting it done eventually, and that has lead me down a deadly path where I've conditioned myself to believe something isn't necessary until there's a deadline put on it. In the past few months, I've had several opportunities for internship lectures, worthwhile seminars, and various other shit that could potentially benefit me in the long run. I've missed them all, because I saved various emails and never actually got around to looking at them until after-the-fact. What really kicked me in the ass, today, was a particular email I saved two weeks ago that my old high school alum. committee sent me. It was about a series of artists who were giving a lecture at a gallery down in soho (for the grads) on how to run a gallery, recruit, and get into the industry. Granted, I don't know if I even want(ed) to get into the art industry. However, I do enjoy it (it being art), and would have liked to attend this event. I could have made connections, I could have seen something new, and I could have helped myself. But, it was today, and I didn't feel like reading the email until tonight, because I'm an asshole, and I'm lazy. I need to crop this pattern from my existence, and I need to do it quick, as my aspirations are slowly falling to shit.
That is all.
current mood:  cynical
current music: Vast
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| Wednesday, November 3rd, 2004
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4:23 am
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So, I've never been one for politics; especially the politics of this election. Politicians, should I say. Bush fucked up, but no one can fix that. Kerry, I believe, is a liar who may never fulfill all of the crap he has said he will do. Point being, I voted for Kerry, not because I like him at all, but because I'm curious as to what will happen if he is elected. We could die. I commend Bush for keeping all the bullshit on someone else's soil, since he started it.
I went to Pedro's house tonight, around 12 am. I walked in to people crying and watching CNN, which irritated me. It's at that point, exactly, that I wish I had voted for Mickey Mouse.
With that said, I've had a fairly decent evening. I'm listening to Skinny Puppy for the first time in several years, and for god-knows-what-reason, it's kind of soothing. It shouldn't be, in theory. Infact, it's not just Skinny puppy, but older ministry, and shitty faith no more that I'm fiending for. It brings me back, but also gives me some odd feeling of comfort that I haven't been able to obtain from this type of stuff in quite some time. And no, it's not because it's 11.2.
I took Matty out to dinner earlier this evening. Lots of cash, but completely worth it. We ate steak and other amazing goodies until we were blue in the fucking-face. Old Homestead is amazing, and everyone should go there. His birthday's on thurs when he's flying out to LA, so we did the pseudo-shindig before he left. Prior to the fun, I worked on my overdue psych paper for five hours until I had completed the bare minimum. I'm satisfied with the work done, but not happy with it. We'll see how that goes.
Did a photo crit on trees for three hours.
Overall, productive day. Sort of. Now, I should sleep so I can do this shit I need to do tomorrow. I am happy, and I don't care what anyone else says right now, for a change.
Christine, I despise you for bringing me back into this whole livejournal thing.
C
current mood:  good
current music: ministry
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| Thursday, October 28th, 2004
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2:39 am
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Ok, this is fun. The new trend is taking the what-are-you-who-do-you-love-something-nuts test. There's a catch, though. Someone else takes it for you, and then you take it, just to see how other people view you (sort of), and compare it with how you view yourself. And, also, to prove that internet tests are quite irrelevant in the scope of a real-world life. Point being, Pedro took this test for me earlier and told me what it told me I was. I took it four hours later(aka, five minutes ago), and it came out the same, which is kind of cool. Granted, I don't know if I quite fit into this category, but hey...does the internet lie? C'mon, people.
| I am the Siren A man is often secretly oppressed by the role he has to play - by always having to be responsible, in control, and rational. The Siren is the ultimate male fantasy figure because she offers a total release form the limitations of his life. In her presence, which is always heightened and sexually charged, the male feels transported to a realm of pure pleasure. In a world where women are often too timid to project such an image, learn to take control of the male libido by embodying his fantasy. Symbol: Water. The song of the Siren is liquid and enticing, and the Siren herself is fluid and ungraspable. Like the sea, the Siren lures you with the promise of infinite adventure and pleasure. Forgetting past and future, men follow her far out to sea, where they drown. |
What Type of Seducer are You?
created by  polite_society </p>
current mood: Fussy.
current music: Dave Navarro-mourning sun
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